How to choose the right counsellor for you…
It’s a biggie, right?
Well don’t worry - you’re in the right spot! My first blog is a good one if you could do with some tips on picking the right person to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with.
So you have decided that you'd like some support, but then find yourself wondering: How do I know who is right for me? What should I look for? And what if I choose the wrong person? Navigating The Counselling Directory, spending hours on social media, search engine results, looking through pictures, reading the jargon and a minefield of confusing and sometimes conflicting information can be exhausting and off putting before you have even started.
There are many counsellors offering different approaches, with qualifications and ways of working. It can feel overwhelming trying to make sense of it all. I remember when I first chose a counsellor - I’m not too proud to admit that I looked at her picture and thought, “she looks nice”. And she was nice, yes. But I had no idea of the way she worked, her chosen modality, her qualifications and I didn’t even begin to think about DBS checks and data processing.
The good news is that you don't need to find the “perfect” counsellor. You are looking for someone you feel you could build a safe and trusting relationship with.
Here are some things to think about:
1. Look at their qualifications and professional membership
Counsellors have different levels of training, so it's reasonable to check what qualifications someone has and whether they belong to a recognised professional body.
You might see counsellors who are members of organisations such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
Professional membership can also mean that a counsellor works within a professional ethical framework and undertakes ongoing supervision.
Don't be afraid to ask a counsellor about their training and experience. A good counsellor should be happy to explain their qualifications and how they work.
2. Think about what you are looking for help with
You don't need to know exactly what to talk about before starting counselling. Perhaps something just doesn’t feel right and you’d like help to make sense of it.
However, it can sometimes help to think about what has brought you to this point.
Perhaps you're experiencing anxiety, low mood, grief, relationship difficulties or the effects of something that happened in the past. Maybe you're going through a major change, feeling overwhelmed, or simply know that something doesn't feel right.
Different counsellors have different areas of experience. Finding someone whose experience feels relevant to you can help you feel more understood.
3. Understand their approach
You may come across terms such as person-centred, integrative, psychodynamic, CBT or trauma-informed.
You don't necessarily need to understand all of these before choosing a counsellor.
What matters most is understanding how that approach translates into the sessions.
For example, will your counsellor mainly listen and give you space to explore your thoughts and feelings? Will they help you identify patterns? Will they offer practical strategies? Will they work collaboratively with you?
It's perfectly okay to ask.
4. Pay attention to how you feel when you contact them
This is one of the things I think can be easily overlooked.
Reaching out to a counsellor can feel vulnerable. Notice how you feel when you make contact.
Do you feel listened to? Are they respectful and welcoming? Do they answer your questions clearly? Do you feel pressured, or do you feel that you have space to decide?
You don't have to commit to working with someone simply because you've made an enquiry.
5. Don't underestimate the importance of the relationship
Research and therapeutic practice both recognise the importance of the therapeutic relationship — the relationship between you and your counsellor.
You might find a counsellor with exactly the right qualifications and experience, but something about the relationship doesn't feel right for you.
Equally, you may find that you feel comfortable with someone quite quickly.
There isn't a right or wrong answer.
You should feel able to be honest with your counsellor, including telling them when something doesn't feel helpful. A good therapeutic relationship should allow room for this.
6. Ask about practical things
Practicalities matter too.
Before you start, find out:
How much do sessions cost?
How long does a session last?
Are sessions online, in person, or both?
Where are in-person sessions held?
What happens if you need to cancel?
How frequently will you meet?
How will you pay?
How is your information kept confidential?
What are the limits of confidentiality?
How can you contact your counsellor between sessions?
Knowing these things beforehand can help you feel more comfortable and avoid misunderstandings later.
7. Trust your instincts — but give yourself time
Sometimes you will know quite quickly that a counsellor feels right for you.
Sometimes it takes a little longer.
Your first session may feel strange simply because talking to someone about personal things can take some getting used to. You don't have to immediately feel completely comfortable.
But if, after giving it some time, you consistently feel judged, misunderstood, uncomfortable or unable to be yourself, it may be worth talking to your counsellor about it or considering whether another counsellor might be a better fit.
Finding the right counsellor isn't about finding someone who agrees with everything you say or tells you what you want to hear.
It's about finding someone who can listen without judgement, be alongside you, challenge you when appropriate and create a space where you can explore things honestly and safely.
You don't have to have it all figured out
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that you don't need to know exactly what you need before you reach out.
You can simply say:
“I'm not really sure what's going on, but I think I need some help.”
That's enough.
A counsellor can help you begin from there.
A final thought from me
Choosing a counsellor is a really personal decision. Qualifications and experience matter, but so does how you feel in their presence. If you’re not comfortable, you wont be able to move towards that positive change you’re looking for.
Give yourself permission to ask questions, take your time and choose someone who feels like the right person to walk alongside you.
And remember, you are allowed to change your mind. Counselling is your space, and finding the right therapeutic relationship is, in my opinion, the most important part of the process.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. And if you need to - reach out, let’s talk…